I’ve hit the wall. I feel as though the General Confession I learned in my innocent childhood has come to fulfillment: I have left undone those things I ought to have done (like getting this blog entry out on time) and I have done those things I ought not to have done (like completing 199 rounds of Word Play in three days). And there is no health in me (although I passed my Covid-19 test with flying negatives.)
Maybe it’s Post Project Depression – I had been working on a fun project for one of my favorite little girls (see below), and happily I was able to gift it in person last weekend,(socially distanced, air hugs, but in person!) and see the gleeful reception first hand. Now it’s finished, no more figuring and contriving and eking out, and there is a vacuum where that flicker of creativity glimmered, and no glee to look forward to.
Maybe it’s the general flatness of my social life. Other than the week-end’s distanced visit, my calendar is a panel of blank days punctuated by periodic Zoom and Skype encounters. The trouble with Zoom and Skype is that they are so darned flat! No body language is visible in those postage-stamp-sized video clips, no signals that the other person has something to say, it’s like being in grade school where you have to raise your (digital) hand to be recognized. By the time I figure out where the Hand icon is, I’ve forgotten what I meant to contribute to the discussion.
Or maybe it’s those rounds of WordPlay and Spider Solitaire that are slowly eating away my brain. Even with a sparse calendar, I find myself forgetting Zoom meetings and Skype appointments, doing my classwork (yes, I’m taking an online class) haphazardly at the last minute.
July is a big Birthday month in my family. I have eight birthday cards to mail. Hope I don’t forget anyone!
An article in the paper gives me some hope that it’s not just me; even people who normally have proved to have total recall are finding it difficult to distinguish one lockdown day from the next. If only, like Bill Murray in “Groundhog Day”, I could feel that I was learning to live my day better with each repetitive cycle. At the moment, I don’t guess that I could say I am.